Tood Retard (thatsmyzarf) wrote in fgsr,
Tood Retard
thatsmyzarf
fgsr

Hi, My name is Robert Timdreff and you have offended me.

Here is a nice piece of fan mail I got today:



Would you care to explain this crap to me? My name is Hank yoast and my 11 yr old daughter went on the web to do a family research study for her class at school and did a wide search for the name YOAST and this shit popped up on the screen.. It is just so nice to see someone making fun of my family name on the internet i am sure my family in Germany will really get a kick out of it. My cousins in Oregon and Colorado already have. They are just as pissed as I am.

"Cranny Timdreff Helpline
Ezmerelda: Excuse me, but my cranny timdreff needs to purb maischod billiobling, or else it won't be able to yoast foani dammit.
Yoast foani dammit yoast.
Foani dammit yoast foani.
Dammit yoast foani dammit.
Yoast foani dammit yoast.
Foani dammit yoast foani.
Dammit yoast foani dammit.
Yoast foani dammit yoast.
Foani dammit yoast foani.
Dammit yoast foani dammit.
Yoast foani dammit yoast.
Foani dammit yoast foani.
Dammit yoast foani dammit.
Cranny, cranny timdreff.
Cranny, cranny timdreff.
Timdreff, timdreff cranny cranny cranny cranny.
Cranny cranny timdreff timdreff cranny crann.
Herb: I'm sorry, but that's really not in my hurgullington, so if you'd please just furton alaiso piddle it would help to fenny fenny montandle.
Ezmerelda: Well that just fucking sucks"

And my response



Dear Mr. Yoast,
My name is Todd Rickert. I am at this point a 24 year old nobody with more debt than money.
I am sorry your daughter has discovered the horrible truth of the internet. Yes that truth being that not every search turns out 100% relevant results 100% of the time.
As she stumbled across the webpage for my solo project, you can see there was little hope of anything being very relevant to her search in the first place.
As you have requested here's my best explanation as to why my existence has become known to you. The track Cranny Timdreff Helpline was spoken by a computer program, and as many bands great or small are inclined to do, I have provided the "lyrics" to the track on my website. Contained within that track were many funny sounding nonexistant words. From what you have pasted back to me Foani, Timdreff, Hurgullington, and Montandle top the list. Yoast sounded funny spoken by the computer. A lot of things sound funny spoken by a computer.
I assure you that these lyrics are NOT a cryptic call to arms against the Yoast family line. Nowhere do I rally my listener base to bring down the Yoasts.
With my music I've done worse things to myself than I ever could to anyone else. From the track "Todd Rickert Sucks" to a music video where my friends dumped a bottle of ketchup on my face, to my latest video where I dressed up in a hot dog costume and walked around in public, and also dumped a jar of apple sauce on my face. Shame and humiliation I know well.
I see no way that you can think a stranger half the country away has somehow managed to make a personal attack on you or anyone you know.
If you'd like I can provide you the tracks of the Cranny Timdreff Helpline and Todd Rickert Sucks, and you can tell me who gets insulted more between the two.
Please don't kill me,
-Todd



Maybe I was a bit of a cock? BUT I took the time to dignify this guy WITH a response, and not to mention he was only able to get in contact with me because of an email link I provided. Maybe I diffused it by proving that this guys concerns are invalid, or maybe I just made him more pissed off, we'll just have to wait and see, I guess.
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